Funny video rips up Harper

The British Columbia Federation of Labour Youth Committee have released this video featuring "Stephen" Harper tells us a story of a Canada without unions. Check it out!

Found on the internets...

We think this silly song is really mocking us, and while Rebel Youth is not pro-religion (although we think it is difficult to be against something that does not exist) we are really not anti-feminist. Nevertheless... Sing to the tune of the Major-General’s Song from Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Pirates of Penzance”.

I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.
I’m anti-war, and anti-God and very anti-feminist;
My thinking’s dialectical, my wisdom’s undebateable,
When I negate negations they’re undoubtedly negatable.
And yet I’m no ascetic – I’m always full of bonhomie
When lecturing to classes on the primitive economy;
And comrades all agree that they have never heard a smarter cuss
Explain the basic reasons for the slave revolt of Spartacus

(Chorus)
Explain the basic reasons,etc.

I’m fierce and unrelenting when I’m extirpating heresies
Yet patient and forgiving to the comrade who his error sees;
In short, as a propagandist, agitator and polemicist
I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.

(Chorus)
In short, as a propagandist, agitator and polemicist etc.
I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.

My love of Party history comes very close to mania.
I teem with information on the Bund in Lithuania.
My speech on the Decembrists is replete with fun and pleasantry.
I know the different stages in collectivising peasantry.
With Russian Social-Democrats I’m always glad to clench a fist
(While carefully distinguishing the Bolshevist and Menshevist);
But when I’m confronted with a regular Bukharinite
I get a rise in temperature (both centigrade and fahrenheit).

(Chorus)
He gets a rise in temperature, etc.

I know what Lenin said about the concept of the deity,
And why it’s very dangerous to worship spontaneity.
In short, as a propagandist, agitator and polemicist
I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.

(Chorus)
In short, as a propagandist, agitator and polemicist
I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.

In fact when I begin to try to fight against bureaucracy
To criticise myself a bit, and practice more democracy,
And bringing Marx’s teachings up to date I’m much more wary at,
And when I’ve done with phrases like “impoverished proletariat”;
When I’ve learned that workers think that nothing can be sillier,
Than “monolithic unity” and biased Russophilia -
Then people will exclaim: “Hurrah! He’s not a stupid sap at all!
A better Marxist-Leninist. has never studied Capital!”

(Chorus)
A better Marxist-Leninist. has never studied Capital!” etc

My policies and theories have an air of unreality
Because I am a victim of the cult of personality
But still, as propagandist, agitator and polemicist
I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.

(Chorus)
But still, as propagandist, agitator and polemicist
I am the very model of a modern Marxist-Leninist.

2012 Bye-Bye: Gabriel Nadeau-style

Generally hilarious, always outrageous, often scandalous and sometimes terrible, the Bye Bye is an annual Québécois New Year's Eve cultural icon. The sketch comedy special broadcast by Radio-Canada is virtually unknown outside of Quebec -- except when Anglophones over-react when the Bye Bye pokes fun at them -- but has been taking place since 1968 (with a pause of a few years between 98 and 06 and again in 09 because of scandal).

The first Bye Bye poked fun at Pierre Trudeau, the Vietnam War and reactionary elements of Quebec society; subsequent shows built a reputation on smart and funny comedy, not infrequently with a progressive edge. The show took a pause in the early 2000's and a new comedy crew took over in 2006. Sadly, some of these more recent Bye Bye's have been at best tasteless and at worst garbage. Facing widespread public criticism after 'black-face' skits, repeats of the kind of racist jokes that appear on mainstream US shows like Saturday Night Live, and especially a tasteless satire about child abuse, Radio Canada cancelled the show for a year.

But the Bye Bye lives on. The show remains a New Year's tradition for millions of kids growing up in Quebec. Many people can still remember some of the classic skits, giving the Bye Bye a strong following today.

This year took a turn that was seen as different and welcome by many, with a generally pro-student and anti-Charest Bye Bye. The video below is a short clip: a friendly mock of student leader Gabriel Nadeau-Dubois featuring various characters of the strike like anarcho-panda and protesters in Banana costumes dancing to a re-mix of the hit track Oppan Gangnam Style by South Korean artist PSY (Park Jae-sang).

To give a sample, at one point the young super-star Quebec film-maker Xavier Dolan makes an appearance. Dolan, who convinced the Cannes International Film Festival to wear the red square, made head-lines during the student strike when he described Nadeau-Dubois as sexy. In the film checks-out the bicep of the actor playing the student leader.

Does it trivialize the student struggle or support it? What is the comment about democracy, and personality in the struggle? Comments are open.

Holiday cheer: Red Star Horoscope

The
Rebel Youth Magazine 

ARIES Mar 21|Apr 19

Kudos to University of Toronto students for cancelling your Annual General Meeting.  Don’t stop here, however. Why not abolish the student union altogether, and have the U of T administration run it? If this doesn't sound appealing to you, Aries, maybe today would be a good time to begin organizing a broad-based grass-roots student mobilization for access to education and push back against the right-wing bums on campus.

TAURUS Apr 20 | May 20

Because of some negative planetary alignments or perhaps because of the growing struggle against Bill 115, you may have done something mildly subversive for a high school student and recently supported a solidarity rally for your teachers. Good work, Taurus.  Remember: teach'urs workin' conditions are ur learn'un conditions.

GEMINI May 21 | Jun 20

You may be tempted to skip school and spray-paint revolutionary slogans around the town. Before you start, remember Upper Canada College in Toronto. At $52,990 per year (plus admission and other fees) this is where capitalists go to high school. Grads include Conrad Black and J.C. Eaton.  You probably agree we need to put corporations under control and build socialism, so Gemini, maybe its time for a google map search.

CANCER Jun 21 | Jul 22

Have you noticed the personality cult developing around Thomas Mulclair? Well, we haven't seen much personality but it sure seems culty the way NDPers are forgiving their leader for pushing that party further and further to the right. Time to check out joining the YCL...

LEO Jul 23 | Aug 22

Punk group Anti-Flag is calling all punks to vote. “I don’t think there is anything more punk than trying to better the world,” says Chris Barker. In Canada, a recent survey shows 78 percent of 18 to 20 year-olds don’t vote. Not surprisingly, “Didn’t Care,” No appealing Parties, and “Too busy” surviving were the main reasons. This election, Leo, be a shit-disturber with a solution and vote Communist.

VIRGO Aug 23 | Sep 22

This week, Virgo, you may be denounced by a Trotskyist group, or other ultra-leftists. Don’t worry.  There more important ideological battles. And can you take a group seriously when they call themselves by the initials 'Prats'?

SCORPIO Oct 23 | Nov 21

It’s true: Barbie dumped Ken. Eight years ago. Okay so we are a little out of date but really “Mattel should just admit what we’ve all suspected, that Ken is gay,” said a York University Professor. This week, Scorpio, do the same and dump that sweat-shop doll’s body-image.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 | Dec 21

Capitalism is inherently screwed-up. For example, minimum wage across Canada is way too low. A full-time minimum wage worker in Ontario earns at least $7000 below the poverty line each month. It is a good time to consider your relationship to the means of production, and join the fightback. Don’t sit there passively, Sagittarius, hoping that fate will be nice to you. See you in the struggle!

CAPRICORN Dec 22 | Jan 19

You might check out a movie soon. “The Corporation” has been on for a while, so you may want to see the Wolfgang Becker’s Film “Goob Bye, Lenin!” about East German “ostalgia.” Yes, it’s a way better film than “The Cat in the Hat.” But don’t be confused. This is still a petit-bourgeois critique of socialism done by people who benefit from the capitalist regime, but can’t ignore the fact things are now worse in the former East Germany.

AQUARIUS Jan 20 | Feb 18

If you are a young worker somebody might approach you with a union card soon.  Sign it. Lately, workers have organized a series of protests outside WalMart's across the United States calling for union rights. Organizing work places is an effective way to fightback against the capitalist class.

PISCES Feb 19 | Mar 20

It’s check-in time, Pisces. Have you been drinking too much beer? Did you know that Molson and Labatt have a duo-monopoly, taking in roughly 90 percent of Canadian beer sales? Your slogan should be: Beer for the people, not for profit! And let’s nationalize the NHL while we’re at it.

Consession ends war of wack hairstyles

The final throw-down of anarchist wild hair dudes which beat Rebel Hairstyle: 

Bakunin, Kropotkin, Galleani, Hoffman, Thoreau, Foucault.

Anarchism or Barbar-ism?

April 1st 2012

Candice Canbearge,

Special to Rebel Youth

In a surprise move that has shocked thousands of internet revolutionaries, the on-line personality known as Rebel Maoist Hairstyle has apparently resolved a long-standing conflict between himself and another ultra-left group. 

The conflict, perhaps one of the most serious ideological debates within the left in recent years, was known under the twitter hash tag "War of Hair."

"This conflict, the War of Hair, started as a "comradely competition" to identify which group -- the Maoists or the Anarchists -- had wilder hair," an inside source from the website Basement Revolutionary Discussion Board.com told Rebel Youth Magazine. 

The contest however quickly developed into an intense battle between the faction represented by a poster by Rebel Maoist Hairstyle and an assortment of anarchists identifying with the "Convergence of the Loose Anti-Croppers of hair" (CLAC-h), lasting most of the past weekend until Rebel Maoist Hairstyle suddenly and unexpectedly surrendered, admitting defeat and logging off his various accounts for the night.

Rebel Maoist Hairstyle is one of the most widely self-acknowledged experts about revolutionary styling, having devoted several years to this cause. His defeat may be a set-back to his cause on the internet.

Not long after admitting defeat, CLAC-h responded. "We have proven again that Anarchism is a hair style of true freedom, which has the solution to the oppression and repression of mankind by the coercive structures of the stylist," their statement said.

Battle contra comb

The fight mainly took place via long, detailed essays with titles like "Smash the old blow dry, its right to rub down," "Residual Stalinist Sleek: the discourse of stateism in modern scissors," "People's war precludes preening," and "Regurgitating socialist shampoo does not constitute analysis."

It is estimated that as many as 700,000 words were used in these exchanges which included sources, video, and photographic evidence. Posts stood out as getting a flurry of comments and observations.

Short insults of a few characters were also fired over blogs, online videos, twitter, facebook and the panorama of social media now used by many on the left -- especially with the Basement Revolutionary community.

Haircuts are bourgeois

The debate has shown that many self-identified revolutionaries actively engaged in the online struggle on facebook, blogs and other social media sites truly believe that scissors are weapons of the ruling class and their neo-liberal capitalist austerity agenda and combating these instruments is an important challenge for today.

"The assumption of both camps of debaters was that their side had the least "conformist," or "counter-revolutionary" hair," our source told us.  "Now it seems this title is firmly held by the anarchists."

"When it comes to their theories of spontaneity and presentation of hair," it seems the Maoists more or less copy the fundamental principals of anarchism the source said, noting that superficial appearances would seem to contradict this conclusion but that was why it was all the more profound.

No hope in uniting left?

The end of the debate has quickly dashed optimism about bringing together long-desperate forces as various commentators noted these groups had much in common in terms of flowing locks.

"In my micro-group we say we are 'not your grandmother's communist party' and we are all pure revolutionaries -- students who have rejected grooming as a bourgeois legality of our parents and therefore never untangle our hair after rolling out of bed in the afternoon," a commenter with the name of "People Radically Against Coupe de cheveux" (PRACc) said in a discussion thread. 

"CLAC-h, it is with great pride we count you within our ranks of fashion," they added.

"Maybe we can unite the left on the basis not of our actions, or what is in our heads, but what grows on it!" another poster entitled Leon Partsky commented early in the discussion.

 REPORT UPDATE

Posted at 04/02/12 14:38 by Rebel Youth

Disregarding the strong appeals Rebel Hairstyle has now gone on to make a full disclosure video admitting defeat, Rebel Youth just confirmed.  In a nine minute and twenty-three second YouTube called "Four year hairiversary" (referring to his hair war hobby taking up four years of his life), the blogger speaks out and strikes an pose, smoking a cigar, looking very well dressed, but wearing a classic slick-back hairstyle. 

The new combed appearance was noticeable.

In the video Rebel Hairstyle tells the world that "A lot of the subscribers who have been watching for a long time do remember this location. This is the place, as I said, where I originally started it. This is also the place were I recorded the video announcing that I had become -- a Vidal Sassoon partner in Rebel Hair TM !"

"We knew immediately it was an important Youtube because Rebel Hairstyle had chosen to leave his basement," our source told Rebel Youth after watching the film. "He came outside, upstairs to his garage or somewhere. Amazing. It is surprising he was not wearing sun glasses or protective facial gear from the sun."

Devastated

Later in the Youtube Rebel Hairstyle admitted that he could not have come close to matching the final throw-down challenge he received -- Bakunin, Kropotkin, Galleani, Hoffman, Thoreau, Foucault.

"Marx was equal to Bakunin on the beard if not superior, but Bakunin beat him out with his crazy hair," he says in the video. "I then threw down Engles, Lenin, Stalin, Kalinin, and Molitov all against Kropotkin but it was like I was Paper but the other side was Scissors! Omg!" he added.

In a passionate, detailed, lengthy and involved part of the video monologue, Rebel Hairstyle also described how he desperately tried Fidel and Che against Galleani but the man's powerful 'bomb-thrower' moustache could not be beaten.

"I have spent years reading webpages, hurting my eyes, studying obscure leftist hair-story," Rebel Hairstyle said. "To have it come down to this, on such an important topic, is just devastating."

Criticism of plays

Some commentators have been critical of Rebel Hairstyle's plays and moves, however. The contest took the style of a card game at points, with the two sides "playing" competing images of revolutionaries.  "I tried to come back against Hoffman with Victor Jara and then I realized from reading Wikipedia that he was a revisionist and supporter of Allende," he told a commentator via Facebook when asked why he had not used the famous Chilean communist musician against the American author of Steal this book.

"You have to keep Pure, not unlike in World of Warcraft!" he insisted, adding "I'm not that revisionist Young Commie Hockey Card League of Canada!" while noting that "all my usual trump players -- Chairman Mao, Kim Il Sung, Enver Hoxha -- seem to have favoured barber-ism over bed head," he said. 

Asked about Foucault, Rebel Hairstyle said it was a trick. When he realized the big problem -- Foucault had no hair -- he tried to launch an appeal, but the anarchists bogged-down the process with a discourse about the technology of power and demands of consensus agreement, and so he was forced to abandon the case as the board moderators were taking too long to reach a resolution.

Comments deleted

A few commentators, clearly envious of this posters' fame, sarcastically accused Rebel Hairstyle of engaging in pointless debates and urged him to try politics in the 'real world,' an inside source has also told Rebel Youth Magazine.

A secret transcript obtained by Rebel Youth from the site owners of Basement Revolutionary Discussion Board.com shows now-deleted posts reported by users as disruptive trolling.  

"We are strong believers in free speech at any cost," a source from Basement Revolutionary told Rebel Youth Magazine with the guarantee of anonymity. "But while our site tolerates misogyny, trans-phobia, etc. as you can clearly see these comments were really hateful and not funny," the source said.

The posts attacking Rebel Hairstyle (which are too long to reprint here) suggested that you can not be a self-proclaimed basement blogger and that talk is cheap but action is what really counts.

Haterz drowned out!

"Positively, the 'haterz' were happily drowned-out by a slew of supportive, powerful and profound (if short) remarks urging Rebel Hairstyle not to proclaim defeat," our inside source said.

"Theory and practice remain apart," the source wrote Rebel Youth, as they should.

At this point it is unclear if there will be a second attempt to unite the revolutionary left through another War of Hairstyles debate.